I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
My bed smells like the plague
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
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