So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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