my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I just forgot I was standing up.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize