vagina is talking i cant
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
