How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
