Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
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