Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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