good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
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