She is in my trunk
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
