idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
