I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize