She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
