wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize