did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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