i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
