i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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