Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
