I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
