nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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