the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Randomize
