You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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