you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
