don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
