I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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