yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
