I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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