Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
