a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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