Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
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