so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize