Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Randomize
