So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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