We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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