WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Holy sore nipples Batman
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
