Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
