You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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