Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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