Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize