I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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