I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
