dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
the liver wants what the liver wants
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
