you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
