You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
