people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
the day after is always just damage control
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize