And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
We need to get me chipped asap
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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