**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
