I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Randomize
