i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
