Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
