i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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