my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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