I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
