I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Randomize
