Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
