The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize