you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
