Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
