suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
