I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize