Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
