I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Randomize
