One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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