I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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