____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
